“I thought you might enjoy it … and have something to remember your mother by. I’ll talk to you later. I love you. I love *all* of you, very, very much. Have a merry, merry Christmas. Bye-bye.”
clyp.it/5hwclvrq (Betty Talks to Her Children)
Every Christmas in recent years, I’ve listened to those words over and over, with weepy eyes and wistful heart. They came from the loving, lonely heart of my biological mother about 30 years ago as she put the finishing touches on a cassette tape of holiday music — a gift to her children, who lived far away and almost never made it home to West Virginia for the holidays.
Before Betty died of lung cancer five days before Christmas 1992, Thanksgiving 1990 was the last holiday she and sons Crys and Robin and daughter Terry shared at her home in Huntington — and that had been their first holiday together since the 1960s.
As she had earlier in her life performing with bands and throughout her life while always singing at home, Betty used her remarkable vocal talents to accompany records of Willie Nelson and others on her recorded Christmas gift. Though her voice had aged to that of a near-70-year-old, it still had the clear, on-pitch quality it always had, with a sweet, not overdone vibrato that made it perfect — to me, anyway.
clyp.it/k1kpayo5 (“I’ll Be Home For Christmas”)
Weeks after I found my three older full siblings in June 2005, my family and I drove to the Denver area to meet Crys and Terry and their families. It was during the Fourth of July holiday, and we had a memorable reunion, getting to know one another as my sibs embraced the little brother Betty had never been able to bring herself to share the truth about.
At one point during our visit, Crys’s wife Charlene left the living room, saying she had something to share with me. She returned with the Christmas cassette and popped it into the player, and for the first time, I heard my birth mother’s voice — not only her beautiful singing, but her poignant words to her children. As I listened, I had a hard time taking it all in during the moment. I couldn’t believe I was really hearing the voice of the woman who’d given birth to me.
clyp.it/dskvbmec (“The Christmas Song”)
When Betty softly uttered the words “I love you. I love *all* of you, very, very much,” it didn’t hit me at first. Someone else in the room said it — I think it was my wife Kay — but Betty was including me when she emphasized the word “all” in addressing her children. Of course she was.
I am sure of many things about Betty — how much she loved me, why she knew she couldn’t keep me, how painful it was for her from that moment on — and her intent in those eleven words is among them. Although the three children she raised didn’t meet their fourth sibling while she was living, her heart must have told her that somehow, someday, the four of us would be together.
The rest of the closing section of her tape is so Betty, who I’m told had a great sense of humor. She calls herself “Bette Cazadler” — a reference to Bette Midler and to Betty’s last name after marrying her second husband, Ronnie Cazad, in 1971. I’m not sure what her “Terry Baxter Orchestra” reference means, though.
On Feb. 28, Betty’s youngest child will turn 60, and next July 22 would be Betty’s 100th birthday. I hope her fellow angels will be throwing her a gigantic party, because she sure deserves one.
Happy holidays, Betty. Your four kids will always love you.
P.S. The photo is the one my dear friend Katie (Karen) Erickson — a birth mother like Betty who gave up a son for adoption — created two years ago as a sweet gift to me. She combined a photo of Betty from about 30 years ago with one of me from a family pic a few years back to come up with an image I’ll always cherish. Thank you, Karen. You are a true gift.
2 thoughts on ““I love you. I love *all* of you, very, very much.””
I finally took the time to read one of your posts, and it is truly beautiful. I hope that someday you will compile all of these memories into a book – it is a message of hope to anyone who has suffered through the life and search of adoption, and could positively impact those who may be considering or have experienced the horrible experience of abortion. As a public speaker, I know first hand that people are desperate for hope!
I am proud to call you a friend, and I pray that your new year is an amazing one!
God bless you and your family, Patty
Sent from my iPhone
Hello and thank you so much for your thoughtful message and for reading my post! I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to respond. I appreciate that you see such a hopeful message in it. I consider my birth family journey to have been so uplifting, enriching and a true blessing to all of us. We never know when we set out on these searches what we’ll find or how they’ll turn out, but mine has been rewarding beyond my wildest dreams, despite the heartache I’ve learned about involving my birth family. I do regret never getting to meet Betty, because that was my goal in searching, to a great degree because I had grown up with an abusive, alcoholic adoptive mother. But the acceptance and love of my full birth siblings has made the journey more than worthwhile.
Thanks again for your kindness. I did want to ask: I’m not sure which Patty you are, lol — I know several, and it’s hard to tell from your nickname here who you are! Do I know you personally, or are you someone who came across my blog and decided to follow it?
Take care, and happy new year!